Yeah, no. Trans and non-binary people are by their existence radical and any casual ways people bend gender ideals is not a fair comparison. The language of gender and what is acceptable is codified by cis people and those committed to heteronormativity and gender conformity, so using that same language to conceptualize something about the selves people decry is not a flaw on the part of the individual but the system at work that is the problem.

Non-binary people uphold themselves. You’re misled about what is means to be non-binary and that it’s not going to be what you want it to be. It’s not (only) gender-bending or androgynous. Non-binary people can look femme or masc. They don’t need to follow any rules. They change their pronouns as their ideals change. Non-binary people are continually under scrutiny and have what people believe their identities should be projected onto them. That’s what I think is happening here.

Non-binary, trans, two-spirit, and third genders are as old as time. It’s not a new idea but a fundamental reality.